so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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