Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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