yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
