Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
