Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
