What did we do last night that was yellow?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
