If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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