How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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