Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
