Will you blow on my dice?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
