Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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