That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
