i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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