dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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