I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
