How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
