I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
