Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
