i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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