he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
