direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
