As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
