my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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