Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm both gender and math confused
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
