then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
