oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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