I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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