Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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