She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
time to smoke my breakfast
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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