She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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