this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
