I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my shit smells like andre
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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