oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
