We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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