i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
