So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
