life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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