Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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