i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
