My room smells like vodka and shame
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
