Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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