Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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