double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
