therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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