Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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