you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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