Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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