I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize