i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
