I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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