guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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