I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
