I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
