You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
