how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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