Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
