2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so let's talk penis.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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