So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
