i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
