did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
