that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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