I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize